Now, I'm going to tune in to my inner yoga instructor and paint a picture for you. First, I need y'all to close yours eyes, and breathe deeply. In.... Out.... In.... Out....
Okay, picture this:
You are walking through Costco on a Saturday at around 1:00 in the afternoon. Every pants-in-the-family-wearing mom is there with her puppy-dog-eyed husband (and when I say puppy dog, I really mean basset hound), every Grandma is moving as slow as humanly possible down the middle of the aisle, making it completely impossible to pass her (they're tricksy little hobbitses, those grandmas), and every dyed-blond, 40-something, has-been cheerleader is there with her A-game in tow. Now imagine your thoughts upon walking into this mad house. They might be something along these lines:
"Okay, not an ideal day at Costco, but nothing I can't handle." In which case, good for you.
"I guess I can't expect anything less from Costco at one o'clock on a Saturday."
"Mmmm, pizza...."
"Holy crap! What the heck would possess this many people to show up here at once?!"
Or, if you're smart, "I'm getting the heck out of this mad house, my shopping can wait 'till Monday."
However, if you're me, you're thoughts would be something along the lines of, "Why in the name of Mary Todd Lincoln are all these people staring at me?"
That's right, the good ol' woman-I've-just-met-at-Costco stare-down. One of many things in the world guaranteed to make your skin crawl and your palms sweat.
I just don't get the Costco stare-down. What's the point, people? Not that we all can't appreciate some woman we've never met staring expressionlessly at us for more than the socially acceptable one and a half seconds. Believe me, I appreciate it all right; appreciate how unnerving and weird it is. Because, according to my rule book, if you're going to stare at someone for longer than one and a half seconds, then you have to smile at them. That way, they just smile back and think "Oh, what a nice person," instead of when you don't smile, you just look away quickly. Then all they're saying is "Okaaaay...?" But when you stare at them expressionlessly for longer than is socially acceptable, they're thinking, "What is that lady's problem?"
So, people, alls I'm sayin' is, when you're at Costco at one o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, just don't stare at people so much. It's creeping me out.
