Okay, people. It's time to tackle an issue here that, frankly, we shouldn't have to tackle AT ALL. But, we do, because, apparently (Whooooo, COMMA HAPPY :)) 9th grade honors English students don't know when to use the article 'a' and when to use 'an'. Sigh... I would rant endlessly about this, but let's just save you and me the trouble/boredom (not that ranting is boring (for me) but it does take up time and it's not all that entertaining for y'all) OKAY. Phew. Find your chi, Alyssa. Find your chi. Okay. Let's do this thang.
Imagine that you are writing a paper. You suddenly find yourself confronted with an unsolvable problem: is it a eight or an eight? It's time to stop and ask yourself: WHY THE HECK DO I NOT KNOW THIS? IS THIS NOT 3RD GRADE MATERIAL? Then, give yourself a really, really, humongous, ginormoogantic pat on the FACE (you thought I was gonna say back? Ha, you wish suckahs).
The rules for 'a' and 'an' are simple. Now, listen closely, y'all. If the word that comes after the article you're puzzling over begins with a VOWEL, you use 'an'. If the word that comes after the article begins with a CONSONANT, you use 'a'. Let's look at some examples:
I would like to eat an apple for lunch.
I would like to eat a sandwich for lunch.
Got it? We'll see... Now you try:
1. You forgot to put (a/an) eight after the one.
2. My brother is (a/an) jerk.
3. If you don't get this by now, you are (a/an) mentally challenged person, so please join Mental Alyssa in the Corner of Shame.
4. I prefer meat seasoned with (a/an) herb. OOOOOO, tricksy, tricksy. But you know the answer, I know you do. Just go with your gut; that always works for me.
SO, in conclusion, if I ever see the improper usage of a/an again, I will write the web address of this post on a bajillion itty bitty pieces of paper, roll them into the shape of bullets, and shoot myself with them. I will do that in the hopes that, in honor of my memory, someone will start a charity foundation entirely committed to educating the world in the "complicated" art of proper article usage. And, also, that when they find my body, they will have a bajillion tiny web addresses to hand out to the world in support of this noble cause.
'Nuff said.
